CIVIL WAR SILLINESS... BY THE NUMBERS

If you're a friend of mine that reads comics, chances are you've heard me say most of the things I'm about to mention, but oh well...

Unless you live under a rock (or have recently had a very large one dropped on you by Iron Man, maybe?) you're probably familiar with the Marvel Comics Event... CIVIL WAR - a 7 issue mini-series that's taken nearly a year to complete that chronicles the "war" between Marvel's heroes after the United States implements a somewhat unnecessary Super Hero Registration Act.

I say unnecessary, because last time I checked, it was already illegal to be a vigilante.

So, tonight I'd like to do a quick run through of some of the mistakes, inconsistancies, and just plain stupid ideas that I recently found in a quick rereading of the mini-series' first six issues, focusing specifically tonight on Civil War # 1. But before I begin, keep in mind that # 7 hasn't made it to the stores yet, and if indeed the Asgardian god of mischeif is behind this fiasco, like so many peolple seem to think (me not being one of 'em), then this could all prove irrelevent.

Anyway...

Civil War # 1

Page 11, Panel 4 - So Sentinel Squad One come to the site of the Stamford tragedy and just stand around and watch all of the other heroes work? Man, I glad I didn't even give these guys' mini-series a second thought.

Check out ol' what's his name on page 12, panel 2. Glad he's comfortable. Geez.... I mean, what a dick.

Also, take note of what Bigass Bill Foster, AKA Black Giant Man, says in the panel above, there.

"It won't just be mutants they're watching after this one, Ms. Marvel.

This is the straw that broke the camel's back. You mark my words."

Page 18, Panel 2 - Reed Richards mentions to Dr. Strange that he's "one of the post-humans" [the government] hopes to seek a compromise with. What's that all about. This things not even a law yet, so what's the deal here?

Page 19, Panel 5 - Glad to see good ol' SENATOR Sam "Snap" Wilson's so dedicated to the tradition of masks. Better call up them constituants, Snap - you still got some pull, right?

Page 20, Panel 3 - Now, pay close attention to that little bit of dialogue spoken by Devil-Fist.

"No, this has been building up for a long time, Nighthawk.

Stamford's just the straw that broke the camel's back."

Bill... s'that you in the red?

Then there's the 10 pages of obligatory action where Maria Hill attacks Captain America for essentially saying he's not going to help her inforce a piece of legislation that hasn't even been voted into law yet.

Then there's the Watcher's appearance, and Dr. Strange's pronouncement that "...his presence does not bode well."

Now, this is the same guy that showed up to the Black Panther's wedding right? And this is also the guy that helped the Fantastic Four scare off Galactus. I mean, I realize that it's all for dramatic effect, but Ben GRimm of the FF is standing right there in the same room as the guy. I don't think it'd be hard to imagine hims saying something like, "Ah, I don't know, Doc... maybe ol' baldy's here to throw us a clue or two, huh?"

Then there's some silly politically-steeped dialogue that basically works its way through the next several pages leading us up to the very last shot of Iron Man, Reed, and Yellowjacket standing in a politician-filled room, posturing all badass like, and threatening to bring in Captain America.

If you've read a lot of Mark Millar's Marvel work, you probably know what I'm talking about when I refer to the last page jaw-dropper, then. He does it with pretty much every issue of The Ultimates (a book that I truly enjoy0, so it's no surprise that every issue of Civil War pretty much ends with one of these.

And there-in, I think lies the biggest problem with the whole story.

I genuinely think Millar has a tough time seperating the two - the Ultimate versions from the "616" versions.

I want to look at this a little closer tomorrow night, but Millar's version of Cap acts much more like the guy in the Ultimates than the Captain America that was revived in Avengers # 4 back in '63.

And as we'll see tomorrow night, his Tony Stark works pretty much the exact same way.